Kolin's Blog

Kolin’s Quitting Blog: Day 2

As I do with anything, I look for loopholes. Unfortunately, I found one. I officially quit in 1.5 hours, and I’m having a final hurrah: a nasty Black & Mild. This will be my final memory. Nearly throwing up with every puff I take. I feel bad for doing this, but I feel like I should take it while I can. Today was torture to me. Even though I told everyone I’m quitting, everyone kept asking if I wanted a smoke break. It was torture, essentially.

I can’t type this much longer. Someone help :(

Kolin’s Quitting Blog: Day 1

Today, or tonight, rather, is September 8th, 2010. A couple days ago, I decided that I’m actually going to quit smoking. I’ve been a smoker since I was 16 years old. It became a real habit when I turned 18. Now, at 21, almost 22, I think I’ve gotta do something for myself and the people around me. Right now, I’m enjoying one of my last Black Djarums partially thinking I shouldn’t, but I know it’s possible for me to get through. In the coming month or two I know that I’m going to start getting really touchy and angry, so I wanted to make sure that I had someone around me whom I could vent to, my brother and best friend, Tom. I’ve got two cigarettes left, I’m going to wash all my clothes, and rid myself of anything that can remind me of smoking. Basically, I’m going to be getting over an ex-girlfriend. It’s going to be painful, annoying, but in the end I’ll be fine. I hope. By the end of tomorrow, I’ll be done.

I hope my blogging of my experience will be a testimony to the others who are trying.

If I can make it to my 22nd birthday without a single smoke, I’m going to reward myself with an iPad. Psychologically, it’s good to reward good behavior and discipline the bad.

So here we go. Putting out one of my last.

One Reason I Love My Mum

For whatever reason, I’ve always been able to throw up and then just keep on going with whatever I was doing previously, as if I just got up to use the bathroom for any other normal reason.

Tonight, as I was throwing up, I thought about it… mom always pushed us through our (or at least just me) sicknesses. You weren’t really sick unless you had a high fever and definitely couldn’t help puking a lot.

In my life, I’ve somehow been able to puke while driving (not drunk, mind you) and not be shaken at all, only stopping to clean up the mess. Also, a few times while I was at whatever place I was working at.

So, I guess I love my mum for pushing me as a child, putting little bits into my life which help me in the future.

So, Here’s the Deal…

My Tumblr has been deleted. My site is basically dead at the moment. I’ve got writer’s block when it come to my podcast, and I’m running out of things to photograph in this area.

However, I had an awesome day. I met a guy who does Social Media for the Park Service, and I get the feeling that I might be able to get in on it, too. I desperately miss doing social media as a career. It’s the number one thing I’m good at (when I feel like being good at it) and it’s the best job for me. Plus, if all goes well, I may be living in DC (which was NEVER on my list of places I’d like to live, but whatever!)

I plan on recording some music for fun soon, which should turn out to be quite interesting, indeed. I really do miss being in the music scene, you know, knowing people in bands, photographing artists and performances, and thing like that. It’s how it kinda was back in Miami, but still, things definitely should start looking up for me.

Either way, I can’t wait to get back home, even though life is awesome lately. Once I pay off everything I owe, I’m going to strive for self-employment, that’s my ultimate goal in life, really. I’m better at running businesses than just being a grunt. Well, given that it’s the only thing I have to focus on. When I’ve tried to take my own endeavors off while being tied down in another way, I really can’t focus on my dreams enough.Today at work, instead of just being the guy standing around behind a counter, I said “screw it” and talked to a complete stranger. I definitely need to do more of that.

Either or, I’m going to bed. Goodnight Internet.

I think I’m understanding how my mum is

I don’t exactly feel alive, per-se, I’m kinda, just, existing. This needs to be done, that needs cleaning, you need to eat more than just burritos for lunch. I’m kinda just here running on autopilot, not thinking, nothing creative coming to mind anymore. Where have I gone? I’m in another state, another city, another memory. Not knowing what’s next, but I think I might just coast along anyhow. I want something more from life. I just can’t figure out where that might be. I think it has to do with someone or something, but they probably don’t even know I’m thinking of them. Where is my smile? It’s only fake these days. I need to go to bed, but for why? I’ll never know. Goodnight.

In Tears almost

I’m really liking this one gal. I’d really like something to go somewhere with her. I’ve never felt this attracted to someone… not sexually, just mentally and emotionally… okay, yeah, and I wouldn’t mind tapping that either ;)